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 A story I'm writing... tell me what you think.

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|TTU|Hayden|GrU*S|
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PostSubject: A story I'm writing... tell me what you think.   Sun May 18, 2008 1:25 am

Ok. As i have stated in other posts, My favorite author is Dean Koontz. He writes supsense novels. Very good Suspense novels. After reading seven of his books, i attempted to write my own "suspense novel". Tell me what you think!

Chapter 1

Tim Marshall, a man in his mid thirties, was driving his Ford Explorer towards the house of his mother. She hadn't contacted him in weeks. He was worried and prepared for the worst. Tim's face was pale, hands shaking, sweating, and he was on the verge of tears as he saw his mother's car in her driveway. He knew she was gone.
He approached the driveway. The cement was cracked and weeds were growing out of the small, almost earthquake-like, openings in the ground. Tim tried to get out of the vehicle as calmly as he could. However, his knees buckled as he stepped out. He nearly fell on his face. He decided first to go to the garage. He didn't know why, he just knew if felt right. As Tim began to open the garage, he expected the worst. The stench of dust, mold, and oil came from the small opening he had begun to make as he lifted the door. He began to push the door up all the way, expecting the worst.


Chapter 2


Greg Fisher was not your average forty-three-year-old house contractor. He was also a hit-man. Well, more of a serial killer really. He had trademarks he used after his victims were gone, but was payed to carry out the killings. This was a different case though. He was required, last minute, to murder Tim Marshall.
He didn't really know who Tim Marshall was. Most of his victims were unknown to most other people. But Greg normally stalked his victims. Found out what foods they disliked, (only because he would then eat them afterwards) what they did in their spare time, how many friends they really did have, and he would learn as much as he could about their past. This case was different. He knew nothing about Tim.
Greg was a calm man. He stayed calm as best he could, especially when he's on the job. He was never worried about another hit-man coming after him. He was too smart. For example, he would have known if someone was waiting behind his mother's garage door with a shotgun.

Chapter 3

Tim began to raise the garage door. It caught however, half way up. He began to lower it to force it up when he saw the boots. They were pointing towards him. He also saw the barrel of the gun. Instead of raising the door into certain death, he lowered it, cursing at how he wished he would've fixed it earlier. The house was attached to the garage, so he thought he might be able to catch the man by surprise. He knew where his mother kept a spare gun. Oh god. His mother. She was inside the house. He had to continue.
He began to climb the steps when he heard the man in the garage. He knocked over something. Tim bolted for his car. As he opened his door, he heard the gun blast. The shattered window covered him like a blanket. He had to get in the car. The second blast was no quieter than the first. This one however, seemed to miss him dramatically. The deflating tire made a very noticeable noise. The wheezing sound from the tire was what he expected himself to sound like after the third blast. He was behind the wheel. The keys fumbled in his hand as he jabbed at the ignition. Soon he got the keys in.
He shifted into reverse and floored it into the street. The third blast smashed through the passenger's window. A fragment of the shell split across his nose. It hurt, but the adrenaline rush kept they pain to a minimum. He was half a block away. He saw a pickup following him. A hunting rifle pointed out of the window.

i do plan to write more if you guys think it's good. Feedback appreciated.

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PostSubject: Re: A story I'm writing... tell me what you think.   Sun May 18, 2008 4:27 am

wow, impressive
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PostSubject: Re: A story I'm writing... tell me what you think.   Mon May 19, 2008 10:30 am

*clapping atm *
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PostSubject: Re: A story I'm writing... tell me what you think.   Mon May 19, 2008 7:23 pm

nice but u never said the mothers name =/ 234 posts lmfao
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|TTU|Hayden|GrU*S|
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PostSubject: Re: A story I'm writing... tell me what you think.   Mon May 19, 2008 8:10 pm

You think she should have a name? I'm going to redo the begining describing the house more. Also, I will describe the Killer more too. I'll name the mother. Thanks Wink

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PostSubject: Re: A story I'm writing... tell me what you think.   Tue May 20, 2008 3:37 pm

kk gl
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